I am still no closer to being married. I do not want to look old in my wedding photos and would prefer that my daughter not have to tell people that her mom and dad are not married but have been shacking up together. I dont know what the hell Rob's problem is and i'm getting to where i dont even care anymore. Today while sitting in a resteraunt i saw the cutest thing. An old man and an old lady sitting side by side. He got her food for her and even put everything on it for her. And while i cherished the fact that they had grown old together and everyday was a blessing for them both i had to wonder if i would ever grow old with anyone. I am starting to step closer to collecting those 29 cats. I blame my looks for everything. I have low self esteem. When a guy breaks up with me i question if he found someone prettier and when i do finally get to see what she looks like it's always a kick in the face because nine times out of ten she is not prettier than me. I learned to cook along time ago to compensate for what i consider my lack of beauty. I clean and know how to do laundry. I am well read and can carry an intelligent conversation. I play video games and love movies most guys love. I am not possesive and do not need a man around me every hour of the day. I let my boyfriends have their boys night out and do not call wondering why they arent home at three in the morning. When everything goes to hell and it looks like things will fall apart i step up sacrifice and carry us through. So why am i still not married? What is so wrong with me that no one wants to spend the rest of their life with me? Whats worse is that almost all of my ex-boyfriends are now really good friends of mine. I am just that forgiving. I dont have the capability in me to see someone go without or suffer even if it means going without or suffering myself. So this bullshit guys like to spit out and say "oh i just want someone that cares about me and i can take home to my family" uh hello? when you get her you always dump her for arm candy. Fake boobs and a size two waist is only going to get you so much in life. But then again those girls arent searching craigs list for cats. I want that whole romantic take your breath away and make your heart skip a beat love story but i always get the made for tv version. The man always starts out like he is going to be romantic but once he knows he has you he stops. What the hell is that about? Which brings me to the next chapter in Gremlin boy. He started out like this. My friend Johnny was always bitching at me that i wouldnt give him a chance because he was a nice guy. No i wouldnt give him a chance because i know this story and i know that while the characters may change the ending is always the same.
I did not understand why my phone was constantly going off with text alerts from the Gremlin. I love my job. Sometimes it frustrates me but i love it. I take alot of effort in making sure everything is correct. I work hard because i want to move up one day. I do not need to hear from my boyfriend a hundred times a day and what was worse is he was sending me pics of himself everyday! Like i really need that many pics of him. First of all that makes you come across as vain. Number two you are not that cute to be that vain about yourself. When he got all paranoid because he hadnt heard from me in two hours i got pissed. I dont go to work to text you all day so your going to have to stop blowing my phone up. Of course he takes this wrong and gets all pouty. Do you need some midol and maybe a tampon? i asked...No Why would you ask me that he replied. Because your acting like a bitch on her monthly. That got me four hours of silence. I cursed myself for not telling him sooner. I might have gotten eight hours of silence. March 17th he text me and asked me if he could come over. I was tired and wanted to sleep but once again my hormones betrayed me and told him he could. He tells me that he will come over after him and his friend Doug got through at the bars. Two in the morning this fucker was still not at my house. He didnt even have the decency to tell me he wasnt coming. He called me at three and told me that he had to stay with his friend and make sure he didnt choke on his own vomit. WTF??!! Whatever. I hung up turned off the phone and went to bed. I ignored all his texts the next day and when he called me and said what the hell is your problem all hell broke loose. The floodgates broke and i let loose the tidal wave of frustration. I hung up. I didnt need this shit. Later that night he calls me and tells me to look on my doorstep. He had driven all the way from Tulsa after church to leave me a dozen roses on my doorstep. I heard something crack...and realized that little bastard was breaking my icy disposition. Fuck. This was not a good sign.
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