Pros and Cons of Gremlin Boy

I have certain requirements that have to be met before i will date someone. This may come across shallow but seriously i dont care.

1. You must have all your teeth. This should be a given but i cant tell you how many toothless guys have tried to justify their lack of chompers. They have to be nice teeth too. I dont really care if they are perfectly straight but they cant be jacked up like two teeth growing on top of each other or a big huge gap in between your teeth.

2. You must have a job. Dont try to slip under the radar by telling me you are self employed. You dont have a job you dont date me.

3. You must have your own vehicle. The only way you slip under the radar on this one is if you recently got into a wreck and are waiting to get a new one. Other than that you have no excuse. I will not do public transportation as a means of getting around on our date.

4. You have to be at least 5'10. I dont like short guys. I dont care if you say your " fun sized " it still equals too short for me.

5. If you are furry i am not dating you. I do not want to find your back hairs in my razor or clogging up my drains.

6. I will not date someone that has kids. This sounds shallow since i have kids but my oldest daughter's father only dates people with kids and married a woman who had two and never pays attention to his own daughter and i will not put my kids through that.

These are some of the basic rules. I have many more but will go into those at a later time. I met gremlin boy on my 29th birthday through a mutual friend. He kept giving me the eye which i found creepy because Rob was with me and Gremlin boy seemed to possess no shame about hitting on me. When he asked to join my myspace and i talked to him on yahoo he informed me that he was bi-sexual. This put a huge hell no into any possibility he ever had with me. He informed me that a man knows what a man likes. Well then you are dating some amatuer women. He kept trying to get me to go on a date with him in which i kept declining. So a year later as i was searching the floor for my bra wondering why he was still in my apartment and not leaving i asked myself what the hell had i been thinking? Why was he still talking like i cared what he was saying? I politely nodded my head and threw in a well placed laugh every now and then but truth be told i just wanted to go to bed. Then he said it....He broke one of the rules of Fuck Buddies.

Gremlin Boy: So am i staying the night?

Me: Hell no your not staying the night. I told you fuck and run boy.

Gremlin boy: Oh....i thought you were kidding.

Me: serioulsy? how many women kid aboout that shit?

Gremlin boy: well i have to admit your the first

Me: I have work tomorrow so i need to go to bed. I will talk to you later. ( Mental note to self erase number out of phone and do not call him again )

He left and i went to bed. At four thirty my phone sounded a text message alert. I rolled over and saw that it was from Gremlin Boy.

TEXT: GOOD MORNING SEXY! I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU. YOUR BEAUTIFUL!

I threw up a little in my mouth. I took a shower drank a cup of coffee fixed my hair and makeup and then my phone rang. It was the Gremlin on a fifteen minute break wanting to know if he could see me again. I went over the pros and cons in my head.

Pro: He was good in bed

Con: He was breaking all standard fuck buddy rules

Pro: He was good in bed

Con: He had the most annoying laugh in the world.

Pro: He was good in bed

Hormones win. Yeah come over tonight. Stupid Hormones....Always getting me in trouble!